A Proper Introduction
Photo taken by the incredible Candace Moore of Minerva House
I’ve been presented with the idea that I should start writing a blog. Many different times, in many different ways, the idea has been introduced to me. I’ve timidly tossed the idea around, frequently saying “I need to get that started” and “Oh next week I’ll get around to doing it.” I’ve successfully procrastinated my writing, but tonight I got a sign that tipped me over the edge. So here I am, coming down from a weeknight high, emotionally hopped up on Jeff Buckley - finally getting around to it. I know that the reason it’s taken me this long is that I’m petrified by self doubt. I made a half-assed decision to start something, and I started talking my way out of it before I even started. Telling myself why it won’t work before I even give myself the chance to say something. Afraid of failure. Afraid of success. Which I suppose is the best introduction I could hope to give.
So here it is: I’m Michael. I’m a passionate person, endlessly in love with a new person or story or idea. I am a highly sensitive person, and I am a chronic over-thinker. Fun fact: I’m already worried that what I’ve written will somehow make me sound like an asshole. But fuck it. I’ve decided that the only way I’ll be able to do this in a way that doesn’t repulse me into quitting is to embrace total honesty. It’s exciting. But it’s frightening. Because I overthink everything and I’m scared of rejection. A classic recipe for making sure nothing ever gets done. Nonetheless, I’m here. And I figure it would be helpful to paint a clearer picture of where I am and what I’m doing here. At the exact moment, I’m rocking back and forth to Jeff Buckley’s Last Goodbye (Live in Chicago. An earth shattering performance). Every few seconds a part of my brain has to wrangle my love-struck heart back into looking at the screen. I am deeply, deeply moved by, and attracted to, Jeff Buckley. He will forever be my most beloved tragedy.
On a broader geographical scale, I’m currently in Dallas. I’ve been here since June of 2019, and I have really loved being here. It’s been hard in some ways, though. I grew up in a small town in central Texas, and went to school at Texas A&M in College Station. So, Dallas is a bit of a big deal to me. It’s been exciting, rewarding, and challenging in so many ways. I’ve met so many incredible, incredible people already. If I move out of Dallas having never left a musical mark on the city, I think I will still rest easy knowing that moving to the city lead me to the friends that I’ve already made here. But, I am here to make music. To start building a solid foundation on which I can hopefully build a lifelong career in music. I use the word “career” liberally, because that word implies that I’m pulling in what some people call an “income”. I wouldn’t use that word. Nonetheless, my career will be a career even if I always have to sell myself in some other way for money.
I’ve played music all my life. I don’t remember this, but my mom tells me that I begged to take piano lessons when I was about 5 years old. So, I started piano lessons. Sometimes I do question how much I actually begged, and how much of it was my mother wanting me to play an instrument. I enjoyed playing though. I hated the lessons, as many kids do. But I always enjoyed the feeling of playing something right. It felt good in my fingers. It was addictive. When I was about eleven, I started to play the guitar on my own. Although, to be clear, I am not what so many people like to call “self-taught”. I’m “self-taught” in the sense that my mom didn’t drive me to lessons on Wednesdays so that I could sit and lazily strum through some stupid lesson book. I did enough of that on the piano. I was educated through YouTube. Without it, I really don’t see how I would’ve ever felt like being a proficient guitar player was possible.
I played the guitar, jammed with friends, lightly dipped my toes into the water of collaborative creativity, but never really let myself believe that I could make something out of my musical senses. So, when I was halfway through high school, I effectively gave up the idea that I would be a musician. I went down a path that twisted me into a contortion which would be unrecognizable to anybody who knows me today. Really, it was all an act of self-preservation. I faced some ridicule through the years for various reasons. Being too intense, looking “gay”, being sensitive. I forced myself into a box to avoid the conflict that I never wanted in the first place. I wanted to be liked, to be accepted. I still do. But anyway, we can go into all of that another time. And if you don’t give a shit, just say so. You don’t have to be a dick about it and scoff about me to your friends. (See that overthinking? It pops in from time to time.)
Anyways, that is all to say that I started pursuing a career in music in 2017. I just didn’t want to say “oh yah I’ve only been playing music since 2017” , because to me that would be dishonest. And that’s not why we’re here. I played my first show at the Aloft Hotel in College Station. The room was packed with firefighters and cops who didn’t give a shit that I was there. They probably couldn’t even hear me, since I substituted a PA system for one Fishman LoudBox Mini due to lack of funding. What a silly way to say I had no money.
Since the first show, I’ve really tried to stretch my comfort zone. To improve my guitar playing, singing, and writing. I grew a bit during the first couple years. But honestly, the past six months that I’ve spent in Dallas have been the most fruitful time in my musical journey. It’s only just now that I’m realizing that I have something unique to say, and that I can say it in a unique way. I’m realizing that what I’ve felt are weaknesses for years are actually strengths. I am highly sensitive. I’m a bit intense. I do look “queer” (joke’s on the morons who used that insult cause I actually am). I’ve learned about the boxes I’ve put myself into, even since starting my music career. I don’t have to sound a certain way, or write about a certain topic, or shop at a certain vintage store. I’m kinda starting to maybe get it. And it’s starting to get fun.
I’ve put together a band here in Dallas. I’ve been working on a record for about a year with my good friend and co-producer Collin Brewer, and we are finally fucking ready to start releasing some music. I’m excited. I think things will pick up for me this year. Which is good, because I spent all of 2019 hunkered down, trying to write and play some shows. Trying to get settled in a new city. And I’m here now. I’m really happy to be doing this, to be writing this. To have you here reading. While you’re here, please do me a favor if you wouldn’t mind.
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